Heres somethin i got from angelo.
(admin plz clean it a bit)
Something to read to lightin up a bit from this holiday stress...
Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ---, she has to make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ---, she has friends come help.
Yo mama's so fat, I've got to tell two snaps just to cover her fat ---.
Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's in feet.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mama's so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower.
Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Jordache jeans is real.
Yo mama's so fat, she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"
Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!"
Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she trick or treats two houses at a time.
Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says "I give up!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says "Uncle!"
Yo mama's so fat, Fat Albert gave her the rights to say "Hey, hey, hey!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the key to the store.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to Burger King and asked for a Whopper, they gave her the sign.
Yo mama's so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.
Yo mama's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say:
"Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to put her picture on the milk truck.
Yo mama's so fat, you can't even see her legs, it just looks like she's gliding across the floor.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo mama's so fat, she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, she don't wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
Yo mama's so fat, she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses diet soap.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to sit down and the chair begged for mercy.
Yo mama's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo mama's so fat, when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have a doctor, she has a grounds keeper.
Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have love handles, she has a roll bar.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat, her picture takes two frames.
Yo mama's so fat, I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama's so fat, she's larger than life.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama's so fat, she puts mayonaise on aspirin.
Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo mama's so fat, she's once, twice, three times a lady.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning.
Yo mama's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
Yo mama's so fat, her ass has it's own congressman.
Yo mama's so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.
Yo mama's so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent.
Yo mama's so fat, she deep-fries her toothpaste.
Yo mama's so fat, her favorite food is seconds.
Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?"
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirits.
Yo mama's so fat that she has TB... two bellies.
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop.
Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she plays the interior line.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.
Yo mama's so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
Yo mama's so fat, she wakes up in sections.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is rocky-road.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, her yearbook picture is an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
Yo mama's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
Yo mama's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon.
Yo mama's so fat, when she put on some BVD's by the time they reached her waist they spelled "BouleVarD."
Yo mama's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball.
Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."
Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
Yo mama's so fat, I had to roll over twice to get off of her.
Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg.
Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
Yo mama's so fat, she freebases ham.
Yo mama's so fat, we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy.
Yo mama's so fat, she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating.
Yo mama's so fat, she's on a new diet... slim slow.
Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a triet... She be like "What ya'll eating? I'll try it!"
Yo mama's so fat, she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it.
Yo mama's so fat, she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't lose weight, only find it.
Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
Yo mama's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
Yo mama's so fat, she got it goin' on... and on and on and on.
Yo mama's so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my ass on the lightbulb.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to an office, they tell her to pull up a sofa.
Yo mama's so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes.
Yo mama's so fat, they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears an asteroid belt.
Yo mama's so fat, she has her own area code.
Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo mama's so fat, when I was done I rolled over, over again, and I was still on top of the bitch.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the Rose Parade they thought she was a float.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to Sizzler and got a group discount.
Yo mama's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.
Yo mama's so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to wear a three piece bathing suit.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the ocean jumped back and said "I'll wait my turn."
Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she play offense and defense.
Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn."
Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, your daddy had to roll her in flower and look for the wet spot.
Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
Yo mama's so fat, I shot the bitch and Crisco came out.
Yo mama's so fat, she DJ's for the ice cream truck.
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the f--k off."
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "F--k it, they don't pay me enough!"
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Sorry, we don't do livestock."
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
Yo mama's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale.
Jokes
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Amenat
Here's a few you probibly don't have.
Yo momma's so fat she sat on a rainbow and made materia.
Yo momma's so fat when she sits around the world map, She sits AROUND the world map.
Yo momma's so slow she counters haste.
Yo momma's so ugly not even hojo wouldn't take her.
If you don't understand, play or look up stuff on Final Fantasy seven. XD
Yo momma's so fat she sat on a rainbow and made materia.
Yo momma's so fat when she sits around the world map, She sits AROUND the world map.
Yo momma's so slow she counters haste.
Yo momma's so ugly not even hojo wouldn't take her.
If you don't understand, play or look up stuff on Final Fantasy seven. XD
Last edited by Amenat on Fri Dec 23, 2005 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Soran Nightblade
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User_000001
final fantasy used to be my life. both 7 and 8
so i understand them
heres some more
Yo mama's so big her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so big she cant wear an X jacket cause choppers keep landing on her back
Yo mama's so big she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide
Yo mama's so big that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo mama's so big when she goes to the movie theatre she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama's so big when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway
Yo mama's so big, it takes her 2 hours just to haul ---.
Yo mama's so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is ragu
Yo mama's so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama's so fat her yearbook picture is an arial
Yo mama's so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat n black she jumped in the ocean and they ungee jumped and went straight to hell
Yo mama's so fat she can't even tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo mama's so fat she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs
Yo mama's so fat she dries her pants in the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she eats biscuits like tic tacs
Yo mama's so fat she eats wheat thicks.
Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama's so fat she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama's so fat she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama's so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big
Yo mama's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY ..
Yo mama's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose
Yo mama's so fat she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat she shows up on radar.
Yo mama's so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D
Yo mama's so fat she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
Yo mama's so fat she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
Yo mama's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama's so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama's so fat she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy
Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family
Yo mama's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama's so fat they had to baptize her at Sea World
Yo mama's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama's so fat uses blanket as a washcloth
Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama's so fat when i took her to the beach, little keds surron "Free Willy, Free WIlly"
Yo mama's so fat when she backs up she beeps
Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits AROUND the house
Yo mama's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool Aid .."
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her --s back in the water.
Yo mama's so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama's so fat you smell like bacon at 90 degrees
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama was so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama's so dumb she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops
Yo mama's so dumb she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama's so dumb she sat on TV & watched the couch
Yo mama's so dumb she thought St Ides was a Catholic church.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a spoon to the Super Bowl
Yo mama's so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama's so dumb that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo mama's so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo mama's so dumb, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama's so stupid at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagitarius.
Yo mama's so stupid he got a part time job painting skittles
Yo mama's so stupid instead of taking 4 bus she took the 2 bus twice
Yo mama's so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Mins
Yo mama's so stupid on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911
Yo mama's so stupid she asked for a price check at the 99 cent store
Yo mama's so stupid she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?"
Yo mama's so stupid she jumped out the window and went up
Yo mama's so stupid she said "what's that letter after x" and i said Y she said "cause I wana know"
Yo mama's so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test & failed.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought BOYZ2MEN was a daycare center.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought hamburger helper came with another person
Yo mama's so stupid she thought meow mix was a record for cats
Yo mama's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on soul train
Yo mama's so stupid she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo mama's so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama's so stupid that she go hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo mama's so stupid when she saw "under 17 not admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama's so stupid when Yo dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen her since.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked You "What is the number for 911".
Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where You pay Yo telephone bill.
Yo mama's so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly had to get her baby drunk just so she could breastfeed.
Yo mama's so ugly her face is closed on weekends!
Yo mama's so ugly her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama's so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to haunted house and she came out with a job application
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "thanks for bringing her back
Yo mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama's so ugly just after she was born, her mama'said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it
Yo mama's so ugly she could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo mama's so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone
Yo mama's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama's so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama's so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back
Yo mama's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama's so ugly that Yo father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama's so ugly the doctor is still smacking her ass
Yo mama's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama's so ugly the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train
Yo mama's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama's so ugly they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
Yo mama's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama's so ugly they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty
Yo mama's so ugly when she passes by a bathoom the toilet flushes.
Yo mama's so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born the doctor smacked everYone.
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born, her mama'saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped HER mama!
Yo mama's so ugly Yo dad first met her at the pound
Yo mama's so ugly You could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies
Yo mama was such an ugly baby that her parents had to feed her with slingshots.
When Yo mama was born they had to take her out of the trash can cause doctor said "Throw this shit away!"
Yo mama's so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama's so greasy she sweats crisco
Yo mama's so greasy she uses bacon as a band aid
Yo mama's so greasy when she slid into second she ended in detroit
Yo mama's so hairy Bigfoot takes pictures of her
Yo mama's so hairy her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock
Yo mama's so hairy looks like a chia pet with a sweater on
Yo mama's so hairy she has afros on her nipples
Yo mama's so nasty she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles
Yo mama's so nasty she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!
Yo mama's so nasty I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection
Yo mama's so nice she'd give me the hair off her back
Yo mama's so smelly, that her shit is glad to escape.
Yo mama smells like hot ass on a cold day.
Yo mama smells so bad herr Sure deoderant is confused and her Secret told on her.
Yo mama's so stank she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down and Ban come off strike
Yo mama's so stank that her shit is glad to escape.
Yo mama's so stank, you're like Shaquille O'Neal, You don't fake the funk!!
Yo mama's so stanky she gets sourdough yeast infections
Yo mama's drawers are so funky the roaches check in but they don't check out
Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave.
Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than other and they call her call her hip hop
Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony
Yo mama's got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Yo mama's got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
Yo mama's got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
Yo mama's got a wooden leg with branches.
Yo mama's got an afro, with a chin strap!!!!
Yo mama's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator.
Yo mama's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Yo mama's got more crust than bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic.
Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout wanted to be with the Pointer sisters
Yo mama's got no legs and always talking about how she used to kick it
Yo mama's got one ear, talking bout she wants to hear both sides of the story
Yo mama's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her UNO
Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth.
Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
Yo mama's got so many rings around belly she's gotta screw her underwear on.
Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
Yo mama's got so much hair under her arms, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama's got three fingers and a banjo.
Yo mama's got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
Yo mama's got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
Yo mama has one arm and swims in circles
Yo mama has 10 fingers - all on the same hand.
Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
Yo mama has a 'fro with warning lights.
Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.
Yo mama has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip
Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what You're saying.
Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper.
Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.
Yo mama has one short arm and can't applaude.
Yo mama has one short leg and walks in circles.
Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Yo mama's so black every time she gets in a car the oil light comes on
Yo mama's so black if she sat in a jacuzy the water would turn into coffee
Yo mama's so black she bleeds smoke
Yo mama's so black she drinks water and pees coffee.
Yo mama's so black she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama's so black that lightening bugs follow her in the daytime
Yo mama's so black when she puts lotion on her legs it looks like she has on leather pants
Yo mama's so black when the police shot at her the bullets came back for flashlights
Yo mama's so black when you go swimming it looks like an oil spill.
Yo mama's so black, if they put you in a bottle You'd be a Pepsi
Yo mama's so black, when she eats a tootsie roll, she's gotta wear white gloves to keep from chewing her fingers off.
Yo mama's so black if she had a red light she'd be a beeper.
Yo family's so black when they hold hands look like a stretch limo
Yo mama's so short she has to cuff her underwear.
Yo mama's so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama's so short she poses for trophies
Yo mama's so short You could see her feet on her driver's licencse
Yo mama's so skinny her nipples touch.
Yo mama's so skinny I gave ger a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma
Yo mama's so skinny if she had dreads I's grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor
Yo mama's so skinny she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant
Yo mama's so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.
Yo mama's so small, the side of the Greyhound bus has a puppy
Yo mama's so tall she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun
Yo mama's so tall when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama's so tall, if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
Yo mama's so old I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.
Yo mama's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block
Yo mama's so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
Yo mama's so old she owes Moses a quarter.
Yo mama's so old she's got Jesus' beeper number.
Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama's so old when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch
Yo mama's so old when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing
Yo mama's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces
Yo mama's so old, her birthday's expired.
Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she farts out dust.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Jesus.
Yo mama's so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama's so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama's so poor your tv got 2 channels: on and off
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Yo mama's so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
Yo mama's so poor, she married young just to get the rice!
Yo mama's so poor, the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted!
Yo mama's so poor, when Yo family watches TV, they go to Sears.
Yo mama's so poor, Yo family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama's booty is so big if You tell her to haul ass she gotta make 2 trips
Yo mama's breath is so stank we don't know whether you need gum or toilet paper
Yo mama's breath is so stank when she exhales her teeth have to duck
Yo mama's breath is so stank needs odor eaters
Yo mama's butt is so bony she put her drawers on and cut them in two
Yo mama's butt is so big it looks like 2 pigs fighting over milk duds
Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
Yo mama's feet so big her sneakers need license plates
Yo mama's forehead's so big you could show slides on it.
Yo mama's gums so black she spits Chocolate Milk
Yo mama's gums so black that she spits Yoo hoo
Yo mama's hair is so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama's hair's nappier than a goats ass.
Yo mama's head is so big she has to wash her hair at niagra falls
Yo mama's head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Yo mama's head is so big, she dont have dreams, she have movies
Yo mama's head is so little could wear fruit loops as head rags
Yo mama's head is so nappy when she combs her hair her teeth bleed
Yo mama's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo mama's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama's legs are so hairy if she had fur coat & a banana they'd stick her back in the zoo.
Yo mama's lips are so big that Chapstick had to invent a pray.
Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow I cant believe it's not butter
Yo mama's teeth so rotten when she smiles they look like dice
Yo mama's teeth so yellow she spits butter
Yo mama's teeth so yellow when she yawns traffic slows down
Yo mama's been on welfare so long they put her face on the food stamps.
Yo mama's blind and seeing another man.
Yo mama's car's so ugly, someone broke in just to steal The CLUB.
Yo mama's cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she can see people waving
Yo mama's house is so dusty the roaches ride around on dune buggys
Yo mama's house is so small she can't even order a large pizza
Yo mama's I was walking down the street with Yo mama and they started shooting, they said hit the dirt and everYone jumped on Yo mama's back
Yo mama's in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Yo mama's middle name is Rambo.
Yo mama's missing a finger and can't count past 9.
Yo mama's so backwards she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
Yo mama's so bald her hair looks like stitches.
Yo mama's so bald she curls her hair with rice.
Yo mama's so ballheaded when she showers she gets brainwashed
Yo mama's so cheap, instead of buying a fire alarm, she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling.
Yo mama's so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama's so grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo mama's so easy that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
Yo mama's so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama's such a whore that I could've been Yo daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo mama's twice the man You are.
Yo mama aint got no fingers, talking about she's pressing charges
Yo mama drives a peanut.
Yo mama said she liked seafood, so I gave her crabs.
Yo mama sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama's twice the man You are.
Yo mama was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo mama watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Yo mama waves around a popsickle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Yo mama wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo maxi pad is so thick You could bend over and deflect bullets.
I just saw Yo mama walking down the hall with a matress straped to her back asking for volunteers!
I saved Yo mama's life today...I killed a sh-t-eating dog on the way over.
I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw Yo mama kicking a can down the street. I askes what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
If my dog had a face as ugly as Yo mama's, I'd shave his --- and make him walk backwards.
The difference between Yo mama and 747: not everYone's been on a 747.
The guys like to shop at Yo mama's favorite store, the gap.
so i understand them
heres some more
Yo mama's so big her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so big she cant wear an X jacket cause choppers keep landing on her back
Yo mama's so big she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide
Yo mama's so big that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo mama's so big when she goes to the movie theatre she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama's so big when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway
Yo mama's so big, it takes her 2 hours just to haul ---.
Yo mama's so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is ragu
Yo mama's so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama's so fat her yearbook picture is an arial
Yo mama's so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat n black she jumped in the ocean and they ungee jumped and went straight to hell
Yo mama's so fat she can't even tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo mama's so fat she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs
Yo mama's so fat she dries her pants in the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she eats biscuits like tic tacs
Yo mama's so fat she eats wheat thicks.
Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama's so fat she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama's so fat she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama's so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big
Yo mama's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY ..
Yo mama's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose
Yo mama's so fat she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat she shows up on radar.
Yo mama's so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D
Yo mama's so fat she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
Yo mama's so fat she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
Yo mama's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama's so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama's so fat she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy
Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family
Yo mama's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama's so fat they had to baptize her at Sea World
Yo mama's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama's so fat uses blanket as a washcloth
Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama's so fat when i took her to the beach, little keds surron "Free Willy, Free WIlly"
Yo mama's so fat when she backs up she beeps
Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama's so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama's so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits AROUND the house
Yo mama's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool Aid .."
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her --s back in the water.
Yo mama's so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama's so fat you smell like bacon at 90 degrees
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama was so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama's so dumb she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops
Yo mama's so dumb she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama's so dumb she sat on TV & watched the couch
Yo mama's so dumb she thought St Ides was a Catholic church.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb she took a spoon to the Super Bowl
Yo mama's so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama's so dumb that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo mama's so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so dumb, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
Yo mama's so dumb, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama's so stupid at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagitarius.
Yo mama's so stupid he got a part time job painting skittles
Yo mama's so stupid instead of taking 4 bus she took the 2 bus twice
Yo mama's so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Mins
Yo mama's so stupid on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911
Yo mama's so stupid she asked for a price check at the 99 cent store
Yo mama's so stupid she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?"
Yo mama's so stupid she jumped out the window and went up
Yo mama's so stupid she said "what's that letter after x" and i said Y she said "cause I wana know"
Yo mama's so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test & failed.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought BOYZ2MEN was a daycare center.
Yo mama's so stupid she thought hamburger helper came with another person
Yo mama's so stupid she thought meow mix was a record for cats
Yo mama's so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on soul train
Yo mama's so stupid she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo mama's so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama's so stupid that she go hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo mama's so stupid that she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo mama's so stupid when she saw "under 17 not admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama's so stupid when Yo dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen her since.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked You "What is the number for 911".
Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where You pay Yo telephone bill.
Yo mama's so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly had to get her baby drunk just so she could breastfeed.
Yo mama's so ugly her face is closed on weekends!
Yo mama's so ugly her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama's so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to haunted house and she came out with a job application
Yo mama's so ugly I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "thanks for bringing her back
Yo mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama's so ugly just after she was born, her mama'said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it
Yo mama's so ugly she could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo mama's so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone
Yo mama's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama's so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama's so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back
Yo mama's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama's so ugly that Yo father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama's so ugly the doctor is still smacking her ass
Yo mama's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama's so ugly the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train
Yo mama's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama's so ugly they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
Yo mama's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama's so ugly they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty
Yo mama's so ugly when she passes by a bathoom the toilet flushes.
Yo mama's so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born the doctor smacked everYone.
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born, her mama'saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped HER mama!
Yo mama's so ugly Yo dad first met her at the pound
Yo mama's so ugly You could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies
Yo mama was such an ugly baby that her parents had to feed her with slingshots.
When Yo mama was born they had to take her out of the trash can cause doctor said "Throw this shit away!"
Yo mama's so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama's so greasy she sweats crisco
Yo mama's so greasy she uses bacon as a band aid
Yo mama's so greasy when she slid into second she ended in detroit
Yo mama's so hairy Bigfoot takes pictures of her
Yo mama's so hairy her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock
Yo mama's so hairy looks like a chia pet with a sweater on
Yo mama's so hairy she has afros on her nipples
Yo mama's so nasty she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles
Yo mama's so nasty she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!
Yo mama's so nasty I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection
Yo mama's so nice she'd give me the hair off her back
Yo mama's so smelly, that her shit is glad to escape.
Yo mama smells like hot ass on a cold day.
Yo mama smells so bad herr Sure deoderant is confused and her Secret told on her.
Yo mama's so stank she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down and Ban come off strike
Yo mama's so stank that her shit is glad to escape.
Yo mama's so stank, you're like Shaquille O'Neal, You don't fake the funk!!
Yo mama's so stanky she gets sourdough yeast infections
Yo mama's drawers are so funky the roaches check in but they don't check out
Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave.
Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than other and they call her call her hip hop
Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony
Yo mama's got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Yo mama's got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
Yo mama's got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
Yo mama's got a wooden leg with branches.
Yo mama's got an afro, with a chin strap!!!!
Yo mama's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator.
Yo mama's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Yo mama's got more crust than bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic.
Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout wanted to be with the Pointer sisters
Yo mama's got no legs and always talking about how she used to kick it
Yo mama's got one ear, talking bout she wants to hear both sides of the story
Yo mama's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her UNO
Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth.
Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
Yo mama's got so many rings around belly she's gotta screw her underwear on.
Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
Yo mama's got so much hair under her arms, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama's got three fingers and a banjo.
Yo mama's got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
Yo mama's got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
Yo mama has one arm and swims in circles
Yo mama has 10 fingers - all on the same hand.
Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
Yo mama has a 'fro with warning lights.
Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.
Yo mama has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip
Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what You're saying.
Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper.
Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.
Yo mama has one short arm and can't applaude.
Yo mama has one short leg and walks in circles.
Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Yo mama's so black every time she gets in a car the oil light comes on
Yo mama's so black if she sat in a jacuzy the water would turn into coffee
Yo mama's so black she bleeds smoke
Yo mama's so black she drinks water and pees coffee.
Yo mama's so black she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama's so black that lightening bugs follow her in the daytime
Yo mama's so black when she puts lotion on her legs it looks like she has on leather pants
Yo mama's so black when the police shot at her the bullets came back for flashlights
Yo mama's so black when you go swimming it looks like an oil spill.
Yo mama's so black, if they put you in a bottle You'd be a Pepsi
Yo mama's so black, when she eats a tootsie roll, she's gotta wear white gloves to keep from chewing her fingers off.
Yo mama's so black if she had a red light she'd be a beeper.
Yo family's so black when they hold hands look like a stretch limo
Yo mama's so short she has to cuff her underwear.
Yo mama's so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama's so short she poses for trophies
Yo mama's so short You could see her feet on her driver's licencse
Yo mama's so skinny her nipples touch.
Yo mama's so skinny I gave ger a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma
Yo mama's so skinny if she had dreads I's grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor
Yo mama's so skinny she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant
Yo mama's so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.
Yo mama's so small, the side of the Greyhound bus has a puppy
Yo mama's so tall she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun
Yo mama's so tall when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama's so tall, if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
Yo mama's so old I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.
Yo mama's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block
Yo mama's so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
Yo mama's so old she owes Moses a quarter.
Yo mama's so old she's got Jesus' beeper number.
Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama's so old when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch
Yo mama's so old when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing
Yo mama's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces
Yo mama's so old, her birthday's expired.
Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she farts out dust.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Jesus.
Yo mama's so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama's so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama's so poor your tv got 2 channels: on and off
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Yo mama's so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
Yo mama's so poor, she married young just to get the rice!
Yo mama's so poor, the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted!
Yo mama's so poor, when Yo family watches TV, they go to Sears.
Yo mama's so poor, Yo family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama's booty is so big if You tell her to haul ass she gotta make 2 trips
Yo mama's breath is so stank we don't know whether you need gum or toilet paper
Yo mama's breath is so stank when she exhales her teeth have to duck
Yo mama's breath is so stank needs odor eaters
Yo mama's butt is so bony she put her drawers on and cut them in two
Yo mama's butt is so big it looks like 2 pigs fighting over milk duds
Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
Yo mama's feet so big her sneakers need license plates
Yo mama's forehead's so big you could show slides on it.
Yo mama's gums so black she spits Chocolate Milk
Yo mama's gums so black that she spits Yoo hoo
Yo mama's hair is so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama's hair's nappier than a goats ass.
Yo mama's head is so big she has to wash her hair at niagra falls
Yo mama's head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Yo mama's head is so big, she dont have dreams, she have movies
Yo mama's head is so little could wear fruit loops as head rags
Yo mama's head is so nappy when she combs her hair her teeth bleed
Yo mama's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo mama's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama's legs are so hairy if she had fur coat & a banana they'd stick her back in the zoo.
Yo mama's lips are so big that Chapstick had to invent a pray.
Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow I cant believe it's not butter
Yo mama's teeth so rotten when she smiles they look like dice
Yo mama's teeth so yellow she spits butter
Yo mama's teeth so yellow when she yawns traffic slows down
Yo mama's been on welfare so long they put her face on the food stamps.
Yo mama's blind and seeing another man.
Yo mama's car's so ugly, someone broke in just to steal The CLUB.
Yo mama's cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she can see people waving
Yo mama's house is so dusty the roaches ride around on dune buggys
Yo mama's house is so small she can't even order a large pizza
Yo mama's I was walking down the street with Yo mama and they started shooting, they said hit the dirt and everYone jumped on Yo mama's back
Yo mama's in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Yo mama's middle name is Rambo.
Yo mama's missing a finger and can't count past 9.
Yo mama's so backwards she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
Yo mama's so bald her hair looks like stitches.
Yo mama's so bald she curls her hair with rice.
Yo mama's so ballheaded when she showers she gets brainwashed
Yo mama's so cheap, instead of buying a fire alarm, she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling.
Yo mama's so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama's so grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo mama's so easy that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
Yo mama's so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama's such a whore that I could've been Yo daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo mama's twice the man You are.
Yo mama aint got no fingers, talking about she's pressing charges
Yo mama drives a peanut.
Yo mama said she liked seafood, so I gave her crabs.
Yo mama sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama's twice the man You are.
Yo mama was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo mama watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Yo mama waves around a popsickle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Yo mama wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo maxi pad is so thick You could bend over and deflect bullets.
I just saw Yo mama walking down the hall with a matress straped to her back asking for volunteers!
I saved Yo mama's life today...I killed a sh-t-eating dog on the way over.
I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw Yo mama kicking a can down the street. I askes what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
If my dog had a face as ugly as Yo mama's, I'd shave his --- and make him walk backwards.
The difference between Yo mama and 747: not everYone's been on a 747.
The guys like to shop at Yo mama's favorite store, the gap.
-
BILLIAM
-
User_000001
not done yet:)
heres some u can use as a sig.
"America is a place where Jewish merchants sell Zen love beads to Agnostics for Christmas."
"A city is a large community where people are lonesome together."
"God must love the Common man; he made so many of them."
"Bombs don't kill people - explosions kill people."
"...Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit."
"For I am a bear of very little brain, and big words bother me."
"Life is the leading cause of death."
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease - 100% fatal."
"I live in a quiet neighborhood - they use silencers."
"POLITICS (n.) 1. A two-handed game, in which mudballs are trump."
"Never carry a knife to a gunfight."
"A product of my research. Illegal, they said! Legality is for weaklings. All right, there were a few accidents - but not many died, and the buildings were rebuilt quickly enough."
"His Highness, Tempus Fugit, King and Chief Chemist of Eta Cassiopeiae died today while testing a new drug designed to stop aging. 'IT WORKS!' were his last words."
"An idea is not responsible for the fools who believe in it."
"Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional.)"
"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
"Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast."
"Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: 'No matter how great your triumphs, or how tragic your defeats, approximately two billion Chinese people couldn't care less."
"Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
"Don't buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like."
"Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel."
"Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Sun God! Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra!"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference."
"640K = 4480K in dog bytes."
"God said 'E = (Mv**2)/2 - (Ze**2)/r' and there was light."
"What if this weren't a hypothetical question?"
"Life may have no meaning. Or worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove."
"There are very few problems that cannot be solved with the right amount of either high explosives, or duct tape."
"God said 'Let there be light!' and there was light, and it was good. And God separated the light from the dark. Then he did two loads of laundry."
What's large, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree, could kill you?
A pool table.
How many Gokus does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1, but it takes 5 episodes.
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a
round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his
wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming
around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones
home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle
Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to
Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside
the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes
back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then
she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and
now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he
jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he
must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to
clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now
he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
Only in America...
... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
... do drugstores make their sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blooduscking creatures.'
... do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
Ever wonder...?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a Broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes on the Ark?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
ACTUAL label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping"
On bar of Dial soap: "Use like regular soap"
On some Swansom frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"
On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert: (Printed on bottom) "Do not turn upside down"
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating"
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body"
On Boot's **Children** Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication"
On Nytol Sleep Air: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only"
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use" (What other use...??? Yes, I typed this right! O_o)
On Sunsbury's Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts"
On an American Airplanes packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat peanuts"
On a Child's Superman Costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"
Now, the last, and IMHO, the BEST one:
On a Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals"
Two muffins are baking in an oven.
One turns to the other and says, "Hot enough for ya?"
The other muffin turns to him and yells, "HOLY SHT, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Warning Labels
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)
4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On a tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!)
6. On bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day....)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication"
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Palmolive! ")
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little
toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in
washing machine."
("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to
use the swimming pool? ")
Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levi's?"
Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen her since.
Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass.
Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.
Yo mama's so old, she drove a chariot to high school.
Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo mama's so old, she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.
Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Yo mama's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Yo mama's so ugly, her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel.
Yo mama's so ugly, her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow quit.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
Yo mama's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly, she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
Yo mama's so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on her makeup.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"
Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
Yo mama's so ugly, when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"
Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were a crime, she'd get the electric chair.
Yo mama's so ugly, that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.
Yo mama's so ugly, you could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies.
heres some u can use as a sig.
"America is a place where Jewish merchants sell Zen love beads to Agnostics for Christmas."
"A city is a large community where people are lonesome together."
"God must love the Common man; he made so many of them."
"Bombs don't kill people - explosions kill people."
"...Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit."
"For I am a bear of very little brain, and big words bother me."
"Life is the leading cause of death."
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease - 100% fatal."
"I live in a quiet neighborhood - they use silencers."
"POLITICS (n.) 1. A two-handed game, in which mudballs are trump."
"Never carry a knife to a gunfight."
"A product of my research. Illegal, they said! Legality is for weaklings. All right, there were a few accidents - but not many died, and the buildings were rebuilt quickly enough."
"His Highness, Tempus Fugit, King and Chief Chemist of Eta Cassiopeiae died today while testing a new drug designed to stop aging. 'IT WORKS!' were his last words."
"An idea is not responsible for the fools who believe in it."
"Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional.)"
"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
"Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast."
"Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: 'No matter how great your triumphs, or how tragic your defeats, approximately two billion Chinese people couldn't care less."
"Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
"Don't buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like."
"Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel."
"Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Sun God! Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra!"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference."
"640K = 4480K in dog bytes."
"God said 'E = (Mv**2)/2 - (Ze**2)/r' and there was light."
"What if this weren't a hypothetical question?"
"Life may have no meaning. Or worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove."
"There are very few problems that cannot be solved with the right amount of either high explosives, or duct tape."
"God said 'Let there be light!' and there was light, and it was good. And God separated the light from the dark. Then he did two loads of laundry."
What's large, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree, could kill you?
A pool table.
How many Gokus does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1, but it takes 5 episodes.
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a
round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his
wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming
around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones
home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle
Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to
Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside
the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes
back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then
she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and
now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he
jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he
must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to
clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now
he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
Only in America...
... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
... do drugstores make their sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blooduscking creatures.'
... do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
Ever wonder...?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a Broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes on the Ark?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
ACTUAL label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping"
On bar of Dial soap: "Use like regular soap"
On some Swansom frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"
On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert: (Printed on bottom) "Do not turn upside down"
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating"
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body"
On Boot's **Children** Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication"
On Nytol Sleep Air: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only"
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use" (What other use...??? Yes, I typed this right! O_o)
On Sunsbury's Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts"
On an American Airplanes packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat peanuts"
On a Child's Superman Costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"
Now, the last, and IMHO, the BEST one:
On a Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals"
Two muffins are baking in an oven.
One turns to the other and says, "Hot enough for ya?"
The other muffin turns to him and yells, "HOLY SHT, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Warning Labels
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)
4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On a tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!)
6. On bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day....)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication"
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Palmolive! ")
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little
toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in
washing machine."
("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to
use the swimming pool? ")
Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levi's?"
Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen her since.
Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass.
Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.
Yo mama's so old, she drove a chariot to high school.
Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo mama's so old, she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.
Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Yo mama's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Yo mama's so ugly, her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel.
Yo mama's so ugly, her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow quit.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
Yo mama's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly, she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
Yo mama's so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on her makeup.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"
Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
Yo mama's so ugly, when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"
Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were a crime, she'd get the electric chair.
Yo mama's so ugly, that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.
Yo mama's so ugly, you could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies.