So...What do y'all think so far? I've actually been writing it for a while, but Emora insisted that I post it...and so I did!
I still don't have a title, as you can see. I would like some help with that! Of course, titles are easier to think of after the whole thing is done, but I really don't want everyone saying, "Hey, I read Meagan's 'Untitled'!" It just sounds dumb. lol
My Story!!! ^_^
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Meagan
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Soran Nightblade
- Avatar of Hope
- Posts: 10545
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:45 pm
- Location: NJ
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Soran Nightblade
- Avatar of Hope
- Posts: 10545
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:45 pm
- Location: NJ
YAY! I finally get to read! I am gonna just comment as I go through it or else I'll forget everything that comes to mind as I read. I really like the idea of forcing these very different people and races together for the sake of peace. I'm in the middle of part 2 right now, and one thing I'm already noticing is that you have a very interesting and attention-catching way of transitioning scenes. The most impressive one I've seen so far is the one in part 2 where you switch to the 'bad guys'. Although the conversation is slightly corny with the "hm, what is this foolish love thing", the corniness seems to work, and I love the way you withhold information and present the whole scene without naming the character. But the punchline at the end "He came for me" is awesome. I was like "ooh la la!", lol.
The only thing that baffled me so far is that Kalan's wounds just magically stopped bleeding. I got the impression from the first paragraph of the story that he was totally screwed, and then he took a nap without bleeding to death - so not sure what to make of that. Ok I go on reading now just wanted to post that.
The only thing that baffled me so far is that Kalan's wounds just magically stopped bleeding. I got the impression from the first paragraph of the story that he was totally screwed, and then he took a nap without bleeding to death - so not sure what to make of that. Ok I go on reading now just wanted to post that.
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Meagan
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Amenat
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Soran Nightblade
- Avatar of Hope
- Posts: 10545
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:45 pm
- Location: NJ
I finally caught up! I still like the main idea of all the elements having to meet up. I wonder, how do they know they're the elements? I'm especially interested in meeting the element from the bad guy land, since it would be interesting to have to actually convince one of them to join.
I have one major piece of advice if you're looking to improve or rewrite this someday, and that's to slow down the dramatic pace of the story. The plot itself and the relationships between the characters are good, but if they move too fast, it becomes a different story. For instance, Kalan losing his lover and then going through a long process of letting go, then slowly finding himself falling alove again and wondering why makes him sympathetic and heroic. But I have to admit that when he declared his undying love to a new girl less than 12 hours after losing his old one, it was difficult to believe and actually made him come across as a jerk. The same thing goes for his relationship with Kat. Kat has trust issues, so it seems odd for her to randomly pick him up in the forest, go straight to a nickname basis, and then sleep with him even though he's a stranger (albeit she was drunk). So my advice is to take a little more time to develop the relationships and show the process of learning to trust and care about each other in more detail.
And what the heck happened to Kalan??? And you killed whatsisname! He was my favorite! >_< His ghost better haunt them or something! lol
I have one major piece of advice if you're looking to improve or rewrite this someday, and that's to slow down the dramatic pace of the story. The plot itself and the relationships between the characters are good, but if they move too fast, it becomes a different story. For instance, Kalan losing his lover and then going through a long process of letting go, then slowly finding himself falling alove again and wondering why makes him sympathetic and heroic. But I have to admit that when he declared his undying love to a new girl less than 12 hours after losing his old one, it was difficult to believe and actually made him come across as a jerk. The same thing goes for his relationship with Kat. Kat has trust issues, so it seems odd for her to randomly pick him up in the forest, go straight to a nickname basis, and then sleep with him even though he's a stranger (albeit she was drunk). So my advice is to take a little more time to develop the relationships and show the process of learning to trust and care about each other in more detail.
And what the heck happened to Kalan??? And you killed whatsisname! He was my favorite! >_< His ghost better haunt them or something! lol
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Meagan
Thanks for the advice. This is just a rough draft, and I'm pretty much just trying to get the ideas out there, so I know what I'm going to do when I create my final draft. So...I know it really sucks right now. ^_^
I'm writing part 11 right now...And until then, you will not know what happened to Kalan!!! *evil laughter*
I'm writing part 11 right now...And until then, you will not know what happened to Kalan!!! *evil laughter*
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BILLIAM
You know Am stupid
So ... is it long ? Am I going to have to do any research on this story or can my push pop mentality handle this one all on its on 