Mature: Desert Moon

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad felt the first icy fingers of anxiety curl around his spine. "Yes," he huffed, determined to ignore it. Maybe if she was on top... that difference from the original experience would keep them from bleeding into each other. It wasn't possible to rape someone from below, was it?

It was, for him, and he immediately regretted thinking about it.

[Emora Deen]

Tenele kissed him tenderly and lowered herself onto him slowly. Last time he'd moved away so fast and in such a panic it hurt her, she wanted to make sure he wasn't going to hop away again. She lowered to the hilt and stayed perfectly still for a moment, cautious of his changing desires. Then, she began to move, moaning softly. Even after Atul's thoroughness, her husband could always make her ready for more. She smiled down at her husband, taking his hand and pressing it into her cheek. "I love you."

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad made a strange sound in the back of his throat and clutched Tenele very tightly. "Okay...be still a moment," he murmured gently. Other than his left hand stroking small rings on her back, he was totally motionless. She loved him. She loved him. She wanted him. He was not raping her. He had never raped her. He repeated the heavy mantra in his mind, juxtaposed against the fierce need to thrust against her. He wasn't going to do this wrong. He was going to bury it, and be the husband he was before. "I love you. I won't harm you," he barely breathed, as if it was she he needed to convince, and not himself.

[Emora Deen]

Tenele paused, feeling her throat close. He really didn't want this. "I know your not going to hurt me. I love you. I love you and I want you and I need you," she whispered to him, holding back tears and the desire to draw away. She stayed very still for him. "If you... if you don't want me to..."

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad looked up at her, concerned. "My head is all wrong. It's not you. You know that, right? None of this is you. I want you so much I can barely think." Her displeasure was so clear he could almost taste it. He touched her hips and lifted her slowly, guiding her up and down. He was extremely hard...he'd been without her for days now, and even the nightmares couldn't keep him from wanting her.

[Emora Deen]

Tenele let him be in control and let him take this where he wished. She pressed her hands lightly into his chest for balance and allowed his strong arms to raise and lower her at his own pace. The feeling was wonderful. Pleasure rippled through her, earning soft gasps. But, she tried not to feel unwanted, even as his body drove into her and screamed how much he wanted her. She closed her eyes and gave into the pleasure, curling her fingers around his shoulders. "Vlad..."

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad draw halting breaths, his muscled body reeling from the feel of her around him. But each moment he pressed on, the memory was stronger. It was like he was programmed to associate this pleasure with Tenele's pain. The pressure and guilt escalated into horror, and within seconds, he was fighting himself so hard that tears were in his eyes from the strain. He couldn't stop now. He couldn't. If he got himself through it once, he would be fine.

[Emora Deen]

Tenele opened her eyes and looked down at the man she loved. Normally she saw passion and ecstasy and love. All she saw was pain. She was torturing him. Tenele grabbed his hands and pushed them away gently. "Stop," she whispered, lowering her gaze. "I... I'm tired. I can't. I... I'm sorry. I'm very sorry."

She drew away.

"Tenele," Atul whispered, reaching out for her.

The Maiden shook her head, drawing her arm free. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I should shower. Tenara will be up soon." She escaped to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. That was probably the worst sexual experience of her life, and the knowledge that she caused him such misery tore a hole in her heart. Tenele hurriedly turned on the water to drown the sound of her sobs.

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad moved to stop her, but just thinking of restraining her when she was trying to escape him sexually broke his heart. He'd been such a good lover, and now not only couldn't he satisfy her, she couldn't bear to watch him try. He twisted onto his stomach, burying his expression and his disgusting hard-on in the sheets. He could hear his wife sobbing from the experience. The water did no good. His fists clenched in the fabric silently.

[Emora Deen]

Atul swallowed staring at Vlad's muscled back. "Hey," he whispered, reaching out to slowly touch the vampire's shoulder. "Its okay. She'll be okay. She's just a little sensitive at the moment. She wants you Vlad, and you clearly want her... but she doesn't want to hurt you either. No matter how good it feels, if you aren't completely into it, then it hurts you both, doesn't it? Don't push yourself. Wait until you're ready."

[Soran Nightblade]

"What if this is as good as I get?" The vampire's quiet voice was muffled by the sheets. "When Lelana apologized...she apologized as if she knew I would never make love again. Like it was tragic that I hadn't realized it yet. I wanted to insist she was wrong."

[Emora Deen]

Atul growled. "She is wrong! Don't let that witch convince you," he hissed. "You never raped Tenele. You never hurt her, Vlad. It was a dream, its all a dream. Let your love for that woman overcome your fear of hurting her. Love her more than the darkness that clouds your mind, maybe that's a good place to start?"

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad nodded into the sheets, but he didn't believe it. The worst case scenario was in control. If he couldn't make her feel safe in his embrace, how could she trust him? She was avoiding him right now. It wasn't just his sexual performance that was broken. He couldn't be a husband like this. And Atul...how would it feel for her if he could make love to Atul, but not to her? He couldn't do that to her. Maybe he couldn't even marry him. Maybe it was Atul and Tenele who needed to be married. "Gods, why won't it turn off," he whimpered, sounding pathetic and hating himself for it. His hands braced over the back of his head like he was being pelted with rocks.

[Emora Deen]

"Maybe Sinead can help you," Atul sighed. "She fixed you when Verin nearly destroyed your mind. Maybe, she can fix you again? This is a serious situation and I think you should ask her for help."

Atul stood up slowly, dawning his pants. "I'm going to go to my room and shower there. Are you okay with staying here with her? Do you want to come with me?"

[Soran Nightblade]

Vlad stiffened at the news that Atul was leaving too. Did he have a right to ask him to stay? Was he losing both of them? Would it be okay to go with him? He was questioning everything. He was so humiliated to even think about talking to Sinead about this. He didn't want to go alone. He didn't want to go at all. He was too proud to stop him. "I'll be fine. Go shower."