Heirot

Vlad listened to her words, and didn't care. "I know it's not better. You won't convince me it is," he said, as if apologizing to her. "Even if you fixed me, it would make you want to break me again. The end result would hurt you, and nothing more." His hand stopped on her hair, and he looked across the room very calmly. "I want to die."

"I want that a few times a week," Lelana smirked.

"But, you weren't the one who hurt her. It wasn't you," she whispered. "It was... whoever that was. The man in your head. The one labelled the rapist of your wife. I can fix you... and I won't break you again. I will try very hard not too.

Vlad shook his head. "I believe you are trying to be honest," was all he said in reply. He kept staring across the room. "But I don't believe you. 'Fixing' me will make me miserable, and that will make you guilty. The guilt will make you miserable, and you will seek my pain to dull your own. We make poor playmates. Maybe if we'd been something else."

Lelana didn't believe that. How could fixing him make him miserable? She laughed. "You could always kill me after I fix you," she offered. "In death, the noise won't be quite so loud."

"Reality doesn't matter, Lelana. I can remember forcing myself on her. I can remember enjoying it. The feelings were real, even if I'm the only one who remembers. Even if you intended to return me to my wife, surely you wanted me to keep that pain for the rest of my existence. Why are you so determined to fix it now? You have nothing to fear. You know I won't kill you. It became impossible the moment you said you were raped. I am gentle toward the female sex. I am protective, and damaged, and proud and insecure. I am...." he grimaced. Something shifted inside him, dangerously close to passion. His eyes cast down at her soberly. "I am going to realize, in a moment, how upset I am. I'm going to try to teleport into that wall," he jerked his chin toward the wall he'd been staring at their whole conversation. "I'm going to care about how to make any of this matter again." He said it like it was extremely unfortunate. "Sorry. You'll probably have to stop me, if you want to break me again."

Lelana rolled over him, straddling his waist. She didn't need to hear anything else. Something inside her twisted at his words. Why did it matter? What did fixing him matter?

But, it did.

It did and she didn't know why.

She placed her hands on either side of his head before he could shove her away or teleport and he was sucked into that magic again. She went to each moment, each one she repeated and she changed them so that he remembered it differently. It wasn't his wife being raped. He was watching Atul with her.

As much as it ate her up to know her brother loved that woman, he was the only person she could replace that man with that Vlad would cherish. So a hundred times over Vlad watched Atul and Tenele skip into the room, fall to the floor, and passionately make love to one another while he watched. She changed the image him raping her, to one of lust and power and love. She no longer cried for help, but begged for more.

Lelana was caught in the passion of it. She wanted desperately to feel that sort of love. She wanted to know what it was like to be loved like Tenele. She would never, ever, know that. No one had ever bothered to care for her that much...

Lelana cried as she drew her hands away from his head.

Vlad opened his eyes slowly to the reality in front of him. He remembered what she'd done. He remembered everything she'd just given him in consolation. For as long as it took, she had shown him what remained for him to cherish. She'd shown him why he should keep fighting. She'd given him things she herself had stopped hoping for. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. He sat up beneath her, coming chest to chest with the girl straddling him, and pinned her in a crushing hug. "Lelana...why won't you give yourself what you just gave me?" he choked, muffled by her shoulder. He held her as protectively as if she were...well, a little sister, and gave her barely room to breathe.

"I cannot do that for myself," Lelana cried. "Magic does not work like that." The hug felt real, it felt like he cared. That made it hurt just a little less. She rested her face into the crook of his neck and sniffled as she tried to regain her composure. "I cannot replace him, and I cannot make better memories when I kill or harm anyone that might love me."

Vlad held her very tight, like the world would fall apart if he let go. His insides were reeling from everything he'd just gone through, and he didn't even bother holding it back. He let the tears fall. This was going to hurt for a little while.

He focused on the person in his arms, a stranger he barely knew, who was the only thing tethering him from suicide after nearly destroying him. Focusing him on more positive memories only achieved so much, but it was enough.

"I wasn't talking about making up new memories," he said, and the crackle in his voice didn't make him sound any less firm. "I meant giving yourself hope. You are wrong about the future. Stop listening to yourself, and listen to me. I am older than you," he commanded, stroking the back of her hair. "And I'm going to be your brother, soon. So shut up and let me help you fix this."

"Hope..." Lelana murmured tiredly. She began to feel the effects of using so much magic, like someone had tied weights to her limbs. "Hope." Lelana thought about the idea of hope. That she could be loved. But, she was so unworthy of love. She was unworthy of human interaction. The things that she had done were terrible. Murder, torture... for goodness sakes she'd made him rape his own wife. None of those things deserved forgiveness, and she surely didn't deserve hope.

"It won't last," she whispered. "I'll hurt people again. I can't stop. I'm a monster. I'm a monster like my father. The only way to fix me is death. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve hope. How do I control myself enough to even try to obtain peace?"

"I don't think you can," Vlad said. "Someone else has to help you. I will help you. As soon as...I..." he faltered, his thoughts fading in and out.

He was going to lose this battle with his mind. It was too much to process. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, and felt himself go numb. "Just stay a minute," he muttered. "I'll be past it soon." He cried silently, holding her for dear life.

While Vlad cried against her, Lelana's weariness dragged her down. Her breath grew soft and even as it washed over his skin, her head resting on his shoulder. What would happen when she woke was hard to tell. Lelana couldn't be predicted. She could either be merciful, or try to shred his mind again. Her show of weakness was uncharacteristic. Either a testament to her weariness, her loneliness, or her desire to be free of her own monsters.

* * *

“You’re really taking an army to get him back?” Mathis growled across the advisers table.

“Yes, I am really taking an army,” Atul replied, rising from his chair. He motioned for Tenele to follow him. She looked panic stricken, as she had the moment they received Lelana’s letter.

“But, risking the army-“

“I am King!” Atul roared. “How can you continuously forget that? I am King. I will send an army for whoever I please, but especially for a man that I will call husband, for the husband of the woman I will call wife. I will send an army. I will send tens of thousands if I have to, because I am King and I will it, and it will happen.”

“This is a mistake,” Mathis hissed, glaring at Tenele.

“It is mine to make,” Atul replied, taking hold of Tenele’s hand and leading her from the room. Once outside he apologized for the arguments she’d endured for the last hour.

“Are you really going?” Tenele whispered. “Is she dangerous? Will she hurt him?”

“She might,” Atul sighed. “Lelana is sick. Destroyed. Broken beyond any creature I have ever met. She just wants someone, anyone, to accept her I think. She wanted me to love her, and I couldn’t. She thought that she had to force someone to love her, and she can’t. But, whatever happened to her to make her think that… it destroyed her. She might hurt Vlad if she doesn’t get her way.”

“I’m coming with you,” Tenele told him firmly. “No, don’t argue. He’s my husband. He is the father of my child. He would rescue me if I was in that situation. I’m coming with you.”

“Where we are going is very dangerous, Tenele,” Atul told her, grabbing her shoulders and turning her to face him. “Shouldn’t one of Tenara’s parents stay behind?”

Tenele frowned at him. That was true. But, she didn’t want to stay behind. She wanted to go where Vlad was being hurt. “She is torturing him… If It were I she had captive, would you really let Vlad tell you to stay put?”

Atul pursed his lips together. “Damn your logic. Damn your persuasiveness. Go pack. We leave very soon.”

When daylight crept into the room the next morning, Vlad's eyes were already open. He watched the warmth crossing the stone floor, still and quiet. He was on his back, with Lelana nestled on top of him. His arms were wrapped over her, loose but secure.

He'd had time to absorb everything that happened. The things he'd done to his wife. The happier things he'd been shown, which were meant to overshadow his cruelty. He knew now that he hadn't really done it, but he still remembered what it felt like to do it. Maybe if it were completely apart from his nature, it would be something he could discard. But there were parts of him that knew how to enjoy that pain he thought he was causing, and those parts of him remembered. He had more in common with Lelana than she probably believed.

He hadn't slept, but he'd calmed down, and he was feeling exhausted but steady. The wetness on his face had dried into salty tracks hours ago. There was nothing to do but watch the sun come up, and decide what to do next. He looked at the girl in his arms. He understood her more now. It didn't make her less dangerous, but he'd made the decision to take care of her. It was about as safe as taking in an injured lion. The pain would make her unpredictable. She could repeat last night. She could show him other things he might never come back from. But would she? He wasn't so sure.

Lelana stirred atop him, her body sliding along his as she sat up over him. Black hair cascaded off her shoulders and around her face as she looked down at him. "A new day," she murmured, sitting up and arching her back to stretch it. She ran fingers through her hair, cupping her head. She turned her attention to him, framing his face in her hands.

"A new day, and I'll try not to hurt you. I make no guarantees," she whispered, brushing her thumbs across his cheeks. "I wish you could love me. You, who might be the only person to ever understand me, even just a little. I wish I had you, even for just a day, to know what it was like to be loved so strongly, and to be protected from my fears."

"Give me some time. I may come to love you. For now, you'll need to settle for my protection," Vlad grinned up at her. He wondered if she knew the difference between the two. He knew he had a 50/50 shot of being brutally tortured or amicably released today. And in order to help her, he had to be prepared to live with either choice. Honestly, he'd hoped she would sleep in a bit longer.

I expect you'll be needing breakfast. Is Oded still alive?