Heirot

"Don't be sorry," she replied, her fingers still tracing circles along his skin. "Its okay. I understand this is hard for you... and compounded by Atul's marriage.... I imagine this is very painful." She pressed another kiss to his neck. "I want to take away your pain. You have been so kind to me, so patient, and loving, and careful with me. You treat me like shattering glass, and maybe I am a lot like that. But, I'm beginning to see more clearly and... I don't want to be shattered glass anymore. So, show me your fears and your sadness and your love and I will help if I can, and hold you when I cannot."

Vlad smiled weakly. "I will try. But I'm not good at it, Tenele. I get swept up, and say and do more than I should. Like with you and Atul. I feel like every moment, I'm barely averting disaster. My next misstep could be worse. I could drive you away. It's no better with Atul. I can't remember ever being this unsure of myself. I'm usually quite obnoxious," he muttered with a shaky laugh.

Tenele smiled. "I can understand the feeling," she replied. "But, each day I am with you I am more sure of myself. We have had our bumps, but I feel like I grow from each one. I learn, and adapt. Things will get better, Vlad. Time will help things get better. We will both be more sure of ourselves. Just give it a little time."

"If the most beautiful woman in the world says so, it must be true," Vlad chuckled. His eyes went a shade darker. "I asked him, this morning. I asked him if he'd marry us, when I get your memories back. It was a stupid thing to ask."

Tenele pressed a hard kiss to his chest. "It is not stupid," she replied. "There are no stupid questions... Well, there are some, but that wasn't one of them. I know Atul loves you and I know that he loves me. I'm sure, that if there were a way, he would find it. Besides... even if he doesn't have a formal wedding, or a ring, he's already married you, Vlad. His heart. A marriage isn't the rings that a person wears, they are vows... and he's already said them to you in more ways than one. He has vowed to love you... and Tenele, me, her... whatever. He has spoken it in his words and in his actions. His heart is yours. It is bound to you, as surely as any marriage could tie you together."

"You're right," Vlad murmured. "That's why I can't stand it. Espha's never hurt a fly in her life, but she will hurt him. It will tear him apart to marry her. I think about what it will be like to watch my proud king die a little bit more each day, and I can barely move."

"He could grow to love her," Tenele whispered, stroking her fingers along his cheek. "They could grow to love eachother. Our threesome might become a foursome? I know nothing of the girl other than she is beautiful and kind. It could happen."

Far from comforting him, that thought nearly drove the vampire to a panic. "If he grows to love her, that will be the end of us. I cannot share as easily as you probably think. If it were you, I could see past it, and love you in whatever way I was allowed, because you have no vows to me. But with Atul, I would consider our love betrayed if he accepted her as a lover. And that is why it makes no sense for a teenager who doesn't even care for him to have the honor of his vows, of his bed. And now I'm babbling jealous nonsense," he sighed.

Tenele frowned, trying to get passed the fact he would feel more jealousy for Atul moving on than he would if she moved on. Her thoughts went back to what the man in the garden said, and she tried not to think about it.

Tried and failed. If it were her, he could get over it, but if it were Atul, he'd feel betrayed.

Her fingers hesitated over his skin. What could she do to help him? To earn the same amount of devotion that the vampire had for the King? Maybe she could take his mind off of the King, off of Espha, off of everything? Distract him? Show him he could be content in only her? Wasn't her love enough?

"No," she whispered aloud without really meaning too.

Tenele clenched her eyes and immediately chose distraction. She kissed his chest lightly, running her lips down to his nipple where she pinched the skin between her teeth. "Don't think about it so much," she breathed across his skin. "It may work out yet. For now... you have me. Am I not good enough?"

Vlad looked down at her, surprised by her advance. His tear-tracked expression was confused. She really didn't remember or love Atul at all, or she'd never have been able to ask that question. "Enough" is not a good enough word for you, Tenele. You are my soul." He took a slow breath. "I don't know how to explain...loving him is part of my love for you. That probably makes no sense. It must seem like I'm cheapening you by caring about someone else. But it's the reverse.

Listening to himself, and hearing her harsh question, he realized that loving them both while her memories were gone might not be reasonable. How would she cope with sharing him? Wasn't it natural to feel jealous of Atul, to compare herself to him? Issues that had never posed a problem as a threesome would now be in play full force. The more she grew to care for him, the worse it would get.

Her question rang in his mind. Wasn't she enough? Gods, what had he gotten himself into? When had she stopped being enough? It was so natural when the three were together, and now it appeared terribly selfish. He fought back the pain in his tear ducts, determined not to lose it a second time. He didn't want to choose. He couldn't bear to choose.

Tenele settled back down against him with her cheek pressed to his cool smooth chest. His answer was enough. He didn't have to admit it, but he didn't deny it either. She wasn't enough anymore. Maybe at the beginning of their relationship, but not now.

She thought that shouldn't bother her. But, there was something about it that made her feel less. He wouldn't be happy with only her, no matter how much she grew to love him. There would always be darkness and a void she would never fill. To be called his wife, to be his, but never enough...

"Go to him," Tenele whispered She sat up and forced a smile, poking his chest. "Enjoy him. Please him. Show him why he can't love that girl or marry her. Please, go to him and show him that."

Vlad shook his head. "I'd like to stay here. If you'll have me. I know it sounds otherwise, but it's not. I've already proposed to Atul, and I was turned down. There's nothing more to discuss...He's begged me to drop it. And I'm not marrying him alone. None of it will work anyway, if I can't get your memory back."

He thought on it a minute. How she was working so hard to make their relationship function, despite ridiculous obstacles. Atul was lord and King of his domain, but he would not think of taking a stand against the customs that bound him to Espha. He was not willing to make the hard choices to keep them part of his life. Tenele really was in a whole different field.

"You are enough, Tenele. You are the only thing I can count on and the only thing I need. I love Atul badly, but he is peripheral to you. If you asked me not to go to his bed again, I would not. The reverse would be inconceivable."

Tenele nodded, even if she didn't believe his words. She felt he wanted to believe them. She almost sent him away, still feeling scalded. The need for solitude was sudden and fierce to her wounded heart, but the look in his eyes changed her mind. "Stay," she urged, worming her warm form closer to him until she nearly lay on top. If this made him happy momentarily, and eased the heartache for q short while... She could figure out the rest later.

Tenele returned her lips to his skin soothingly, her fingers tracing his ribs. It was a wife's duty to please her husband, and if she pleased him, she could pretend that she was all he wanted...

Vlad closed his eyes to the light weight of her body and her lips on his skin. Amazing. Once again, opening up to her had been a mistake; it had only hurt her and made her try to push him away. But again, she was staying, trying her best to embrace him and forgive him for what, to most, would be unforgivable. "I'm sorry for all of this, Tenele," he whispered.

Tenele paused her attentive touch. "It is not your fault," she replied. She had no desire to remind him that things wouldn't be so bad if she remembered. She'd said it a thousand times, it did no good to repeat.

Tenele thought quietly to herself for a little while longer. "It will work out. Do not lose faith. Rest. Tomorrow is another day, and good things will happen."